mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
