dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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