smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
How naked do you want me to be?
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