My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
