how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
