I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
