doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
