Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
