awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
