I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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