not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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