"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
