Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize