...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
