Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
