i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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