Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
