I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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