I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
you made out with another girl for some wings
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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