brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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