dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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