I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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