So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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