it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
