White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The air was thick with penises
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
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