well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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