literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
