Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
