I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
