Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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