if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize