I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
