For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
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