Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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