Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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