I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
