How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
