I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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