I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
send nudes
from the living room?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
