Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
