Screwed.edu
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
