I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
