I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
