I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
