I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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