I wish I could teleport
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
