Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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