I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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