I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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