We're facebook friends in real life
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the condom got lost in my hair
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
