Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
