Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
