i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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