how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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