You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
