fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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