I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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