Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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