So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Its about making memories worth repressing
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
