oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
