He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
