I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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