You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
