you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
