I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
