The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
