HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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