If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
