You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
