My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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