hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Found your dick twin last night
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
