i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
